If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
