marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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