Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
