So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
