so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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