The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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