I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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