And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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