The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
