I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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