And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
