I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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