Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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