Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
