Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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