I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
