watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
