he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
