i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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