I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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