And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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