I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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