Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
