Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
