just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
