Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
