last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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