people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
