Banned from zoo.
Again?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
