I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
