gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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