Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
