I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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