By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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