season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
