either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
