Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
