i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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