this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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