I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
