I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
