Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
