Are we in a gay sports bar?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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