My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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