Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
