I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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