bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
