dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
