He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
