Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
