a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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