And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Less talking, more tequila
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
