im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i believe in u and ur pee
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
