the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
