I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
