Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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