and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
