Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
