a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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