I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
